In London, the pubs close at 11pm. I suppose that’s a decent time for everyone to go home, relax and get ready for the next day, but when you’re an underage study abroad student FUCK NO, IT’S TOO EARLY TO STOP DRINKING! So what does one do when the bell is rung and the barman yells out “last call”?
Head to Jubilee Gardens, of course.
Back when I was drinking there, it was called “Millennium Park.” I think they’ve since renamed it because of all the trashy things my mates and I used to do there – the new website touts it as “a new green landmark for London.” Yeah. Okay. There is nothing green about London except for maybe mushy peas. Anyway, it was dubbed Millennium Park because it is the space is situated below the world-reknowned London Eye, built to commemorate the new Millennium. You know – that big-ass ferris wheel with cool space-pod-looking things which help tourists see London’s landscape in exchange for raping their wallets.
Jubilee Gardens is close to King’s College, where I studied. It’s the perfect place to loiter about with a couple of beer cans, maybe some boxed wine, or a plastic 2 Liter bottle of Strongbow Cider, and get drunk off your ass for cheap. No cops will bother you here, in fact, they are pretty nonexistent. And everyone keeps to themselves really, which is nice, because I don’t like being mugged.
There are three types of people who hang out at Jubilee Gardens: 1) drug addicts who just want to shoot up, 2) horny couples who apparently don’t own an flat where they can have sex, and 3) my drunken asshole friends. We used to play a very naughty game; the third group would try and sit “uncomfortably close” to the other two groups, inching over every so often until we were almost on top of a heroin needle or engaging in group sex. We just wanted to see how close those other two groups of people would let us get before moving away in pursuit of their “hobbies.”
You don’t have to visit Jubilee Gardens at night to get sloppy though. Just go during the daytime, when families bring their children to the park to play games, or old people come to sit in the sun. Since there are no “open container” laws in London, feel free to pop a wine cork into the air and chug as much vino as your heart desires. No one will stop you otherwise, and when you get too drunk to go home, just take a nap in the park.
All the homeless people do it.
- Trash-Meter: 1 out of 10 during the day because hey, it’s a public park, but 10 out of 10 at night, especially in the summer (10 being pretty fucking trashy).
- Alcohol Intake: Casual. I mean it’s easy to get really drunk when you bring your own stuff, but once that runs out, you’re screwed.
- Chance of getting laid: Quite good, actually. You don’t even have to be a prostitute to do so, just be really horny and find a friend.
- Final verdict: I say “HERE HERE!” to any place that will let me get smashed outside in nature. The ambiance of the London Eye just adds to the awesomeness of your intoxicated and/or oversexed state at Jubilee Gardens.
Between Belvedere Road and Westminster Bridge Road, London
Neighborhoods: South Bank, near Waterloo Station